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Brooke, 30, an Orthodox woman divorced for six years, wants a meaningful relationship that will lead to marriage, but that is proving to be a challenge. She has tried matchmakers, popular in her circle, but most of them don’t give thought to the matches, ignoring her personal qualities and tastes. She’s tried Jewish dating sites too. But, she finds them “free for all and creepy.” Many of the men want to date casually, or just hook up. Some even create fake profiles.

In 2018, being Orthodox no longer offers the security of ongoing community support, and for single millennials, finding a partner is a solitary pursuit. While Jewish communities still value marriage and family above all, the burden of coupling falls on the singles.Yossi, 32, and Shira Teichman, 31, a married Orthodox couple from Los Angeles have drawn on their life experiences to create a technological solution to this dilemma. Together with life coach Shiffy,Lichtenstein, they are the co-creators of forJe a dating app for Jewish singles, like Brooke, who are seeking long-term relationships.

Chaim Orzel, 27, who grew up in a “very Orthodox home” and now describes himself as “Conservadox”, is ready to give the new app a try. He bemoans the shallowness of dating sites that promote pretty profiles and impressive job titles over internal gifts. “The problem is that it’s making marriage a transactional experience. What happens if a guy loses his job, or he has a stroke, heaven forbid? External things won’t keep a marriage together.”

The Teichmans share this view. “We both have PHDs in dating,” says Shira wearily, in a telephone interview with this reporter. Before meeting one another in 2014, she says: “We had gone to all the matchmakers and the singles events. We were meeting a multitude of people, but nothing was working.” Yossi recalls that most dating coaches just gave advice on appearances.

The disappointment led Shira, who has an MA in education, to study with experts such as Leonard Carr, a psychologist who runs growth courses on relationships and “personal mastery” [https://www.leonardcarr.com/index.html], hoping to better understand herself. “I wanted to understand what drives me, what holds me back. Once I started understanding myself, I realized my dating was changing already. I was in a more powerful position to find the right partner.”

Shira decided to share this new sense of power and began running dating workshops called “Breakthrough Dating.” “Being able to develop a connection is a very tangible skill,” she explains. While Shira says many millennials will go on a date, not feel “a spark”, and then end the budding relationship, she believes they need to learn a process she calls “the anatomy of building a relationship.”

Positive feedback followed the early events. Out of 40 individuals at one of her first events, four ended up getting married. So, when Yossi entered the picture, the workshops became a shared passion. After each event, the couple would distribute surveys, later reviewed by psychologist Rabbi David Pelcovitz, chair of education and psychology at Yeshiva University.

Statistics in hand, a year and a half ago, the couple began serious work on forJe. Yossi worked with a team of other programmers to code what he calls “the first dating app to use Artificial Intelligence.” To screen out fraudsters, the app requires users to scan their drivers’ license. That information is then compared to the information provided from Facebook or Google when the user makes a profile. Once the app is satisfied that the individual is not a scammer, personal information is deleted and never shared, Yossi says.

The need for such a high level of user safety is the result of an increase in catfishing, or the act of luring someone into a relationship based on a false online persona. Since 2005, numerous websites like romancescams.org and Facebook forums have been created to help victims of these crimes. In the last six months of 2014 alone, the FBI reported that 82 million dollars of money was stolen through such scams, as reported by the podcast Criminal.

Ben Rabizadeh, the CEO of JWed, a Jewish dating site in which over 50% of users are Orthodox, said that his site faces threats from these international scammers. Fraudsters create fake profiles, get into an online relationship, and then ask for money. “We screen out a large majority of fraudulent profiles during initial signup; but occasionally something slips through and in those cases, we promptly respond to complaints and remove users who are not eligible to join JWed.”

ForJe’s decision to increase security is also a response to locals who lie about their marital status on Jewish dating sites. Rabizadeh says he is shocked to hear of religious married men saying they are single to pursue single women. “This has never come up except for the rare circumstance where a couple is separated and not yet legally divorced.”

But women interviewed for this article say it does happen. Brooke describes her worst experience – a man who created four different profiles and even changed the cadence of his voice when speaking on the phone as the various personas. “He also had a wife and girlfriend,” she added. “There are men who are married or in relationships and lie about their status,” says Jackie, 32, who acknowledges that she finds dating sites helpful, despite the perils.

ForJe is taking these reports seriously. And the next step in creating a profile is also aimed at screening out fraudsters. Users must answer a lengthy series of multiple choice questions. The type of questions reflects the Teichmans’ interest in self-knowledge and include probing queries such as “If you won a large sum of money, how would you use it?” and “How do you determine if you’ve had a good week?” The list takes a while to get through, but the time required has an objective, according to Yossi. “We want to weed out people that are just looking for hook-ups,” he says emphatically.

As users answer more questions and interact with the app, it is programmed to get to know their unique selves – at least as well as a machine can ‘know’ a human. Every day, users are presented with up to three matches. The low number of potentials is also there to encourage committed dating. There is no opportunity for rapidly judging the attractiveness of scores of photographs, a practice associated with other apps.“

Most dating apps today are not really dating apps. They are social media platforms and have all the features Facebook does. They just want people to be addicted and stay in. We aren’t interested in that. We are interested in you finding compatible matches.”But will singles trust a machine to set them up?

Jackie, who describes herself as Jewishly “traditional”, says she would give the concept a try. “Seems like anything would be better than the matchmakers at Saw You at Sinai,” she says, naming a popular Orthodox site which uses remote matchmakers to set users up. “Machines aren’t focused on what they get out of it, so that would probably be more accurate matching,” agrees Brooke, referring to matchmakers in general.

The app is potentially great news, according to Rabbi Mark Wildes, an Orthodox rabbi who founded and directs the Manhattan Jewish Experience, an organization where millennial men and women in their 20s and 30s can explore Jewish life and meet new people. “Any kind of technology that allows people to be more honest will be helpful to more serious-minded daters.” he says. However, he cautions that young people overuse technology for dating – breaking up over text and not giving shy people a chance. “People are not as fast as computers,” he says.

Another challenge he has observed is that millennials have lost their faith in marriage. When it comes to the challenges faced by Orthodox singles, Rabbi Wildes thinks the answer may lie in grassroots matchmaking. “It should be a mandate for every young couple in the first 24 months of their marriage to fix people up. We need to increase the pool of matchmakers. Feeling a little gratitude that you found that special someone? Pay it back.”

But while Jewish singles wait for their married friends to set them up, they are finding ways to empower themselves. Signing up for an artificially intelligent matchmaker is one way to do that.

Another form of empowerment is taking a chance on love, says Orzel. He believes the Orthodox single crisis can be solved by a collective change in attitude. “In Hebrew ahava means love, the root word, hav in Hebrew is to give. So, to love someone, you must give to that person. Without giving, there is no love. In our dating life today, there is no concept of unconditional love.”

Suzanne Selengut writes feature stories about global Jewish issues and the arts. She is based in New York City.

By Matthew Luxmoore

MOSCOW -- On a recent snowy Sunday, the 17th-century Dormition Church was drawing evening Mass to a close. The ethereal chants that had for two hours entranced a standing congregation still echoed off the intricately painted walls as Father Aleksy Gomonov retreated to the sacristy to remove his vestments.

But his sizeable, surprisingly young flock remained. As tables were brought in and arranged in neat rows among the ancient icons and golden candelabra, the crowd began to mingle. Off came the thick winter coats, and out came the smartphones. Numbers were traded, eye contact held or averted, and a subdued atmosphere of piety gave way to flirtation and giggles.

It was the latest gathering of the Peter and Fevronia Club, a sort of speed-dating night for Moscow's Orthodox Christians. Each Sunday, after the week's final service, Gomonov brings together the single men and women of his parish, and anyone else keen to join. As they chat over cucumber sandwiches and black tea, he dispenses relationship advice mixed with church teachings.

Many come to find their other half, the old-fashioned way. Others seek a companion for walks, church events, or pilgrimages. And Gomonov, a happily married father of two? He's just killing time.

'I have nothing better to do,' he said, his eyes scanning the room over a pair of glasses perpetually balanced on the tip of his nose. 'And the youth have nothing to do either.'

At 67, Gomonov sports an impressive white beard and a mane of strawberry-blond hair. In the 20 years since he took charge of the Dormition Church, he has fostered a community like few others in Moscow. Parishioners have a dedicated summer camp and a program of civic engagement. They organize ballroom-dancing classes and pilgrimages to sacred Orthodox sites.

In 2007, they gave Gomonov a special gift: an icon depicting Peter and Fevronia, the Orthodox patron saints of marriage. He led a prayer in their honor that Sunday, and it became a weekly event. Eventually he began serving tea and snacks, and encouraging guests to communicate. The Peter and Fevronia Club was born.

In its 11 1/2 years of existence, the club has spawned more than 200 marriages, according to the organizers. Many of their stories are listed on the club's website.

'Orthodox girls are more reliable, they're more loyal,' said Sergei, a lanky 29-year-old from the suburbs sporting a pink T-shirt and jeans who has attended the club for over four years. 'You can be sure they won't cheat on you.'

The tables had filled up within minutes that evening, and Sergei stood chatting on the sidelines with Yulia, a fresh-faced music teacher. She wore a head covering, like most of the women present, though the policy is not strictly enforced on club nights.

'My values are very specific,' she said. 'Perhaps I'll meet someone who's not connected to the church and I'll accept him -- but it's likely he'll be Orthodox.' Then she laughed, adding, 'I just think no one else can handle me.'

Gomonov insists it was never meant as a lonely hearts club. 'It's a social gathering for the youth,' he said. 'Where will they socialize, if not here?'

Moscow's youth might beg to differ. The capital's clubs and bars organize regular singles' nights, and Tinder and other such apps are wildly popular. The Orthodox, too, now have a plethora of resources to aid their courtship, with several dating sites now catering to their community.

But those who attend the Peter and Fevronia Club and others like it popping up across Russia say they seek something they won't find elsewhere.

Beyond the chance to find a soulmate with an Orthodox worldview, such gatherings offer an alternative religious experience to the somber services held daily at Moscow's churches. Each meeting of the Peter and Fevronia Club begins with joint prayer. Then, after a period of free conversation, all eyes turn to Gomonov, who grabs a mic to address questions submitted anonymously on small slips of paper. Each answer is a sermon in itself.

'Father, if a man insists he will not have kids, what is to be done?' read the first note he picked that Sunday. 'God created a man and a woman and said go forth and multiply,' Gomonov replied, his tone suddenly impassioned. 'This man is violating God's law, and that is not good. Do not take his example.'

The author of the second note wanted to know whether he should marry a priest's daughter. 'This is a huge responsibility, of course,' Gomonov said after a moment's pause. 'Such a creature is uniquely intelligent.'

Questions continued for another hour, probing issues from curing loneliness to the use (or nonuse) of vodka by Russian soldiers in past military campaigns.

Yekaterina Gromova, Gomonov's assistant and the club's main coordinator, said attendance at club evenings regularly exceeds 120. The majority of people are between the ages of 25 and 40, and men tend to be slightly outnumbered. Most women, she said, are practicing Orthodox Christians who come with the express goal of finding a husband; many men attend out of curiosity, to 'see what Orthodox girls are like.'

The lifestyles of Orthodox Christians largely depend on personal choice. Some drink and smoke, others maintain an ascetic lifestyle. Few outwardly tolerate homosexuality, which is unequivocally denounced by the ultraconservative church. But at the Peter and Fevronia Club, most profess fealty to at least one rule of Orthodox dating: no sex before marriage.

'Yes, I try my best,' said Pavel Komissarov, a stocky, bearded 40-year-old clad in a slick suit. 'You need to think with your head, and be smart. And I noticed that God helps a lot with that, too.' Komissarov, who owns a construction company in Moscow, has attended club nights since 2011. Today he comes mainly to hear Gomonov's sermons and see old friends.

Taking The Search Online

The Peter and Fevronia Club may be the largest weekly gathering of Orthodox singles in Russia, but believers on the market aren't short of resources to aid their search. Since the 2000s, there's been a boom in dating sites tailored specifically to them, with names such as Alphabet of Fidelity, Seagull, and Fate.

They offer access to an exclusive community in exchange for heightened scrutiny and compliance with a strict code of conduct.

Orthodox Dating Service

To register on Alphabet of Fidelity, one must fill out an electronic form consisting of 78 detailed questions about lifestyle choices, religious practices, and political views, ranging from 'Would you consider a marriage without carnal knowledge?' to 'What for you is the meaning of life?' Other questions relate to clothing style, views on gender and preferred speaking register. The question 'How many children do you have?' offers a drop-down menu with options up to 69.

Jewish Orthodox Dating

There are also separate tests on love (titled 'Do you know love?'), on personality traits, and on the foundations of Christianity.

Russia's first Orthodox dating site was launched in 2003 by Roman Kolpakov, then a 24-year-old student. A serious car accident that spring left Kolpakov with spinal fracture and paralysis from the waist down -- he was bed-bound for months, he said in an interview, with the Internet as his only connection to the world.

He took to online forums and registered on secular dating sites, but disliked what he saw as the promiscuity they promoted. Noticing there were no suitable platforms for the Orthodox community, he began work on what would become Parishioners, Russia's largest Orthodox dating site with around 86,000 members today.

'I just understood that many people lacked something like this,' he said over tea in his Moscow flat, where he lives with his wife, Natalya, whom he met online in 2006, and a gray tabby. 'For a practicing Orthodox person it's much harder to find a like-minded partner.'

That's the gap that the Peter and Fevronia Club, and others like it, aim to fill. Roman Lunkin, a religious expert at the Russian Academy of Sciences, believes the faithful are slowly moving away from dating sites and searching for opportunities to meet potential partners in person. There are now similar Orthodox gatherings in Kirov, Barnaul, and many other Russian cities.

'We'll Find A Common Language With The Heavens'

At around 9 p.m., after the recent club night had wrapped up, Gromova and her assistants began clearing away the tables and preparing the church for service the following morning. Yulia and Sergei headed to a cafe round the corner with two other couples, while others walked home in the still-falling snow.

Andrei, a 28-year-old electrician who helps clear up, was upbeat. He'd arranged a date with a girl he met that evening, and felt good about his chances. He has few expectations from his future wife besides love and loyalty, and that she is a practicing Orthodox Christian like him.